mirror on the wall

life ain't no movie

2008-09-29T13:19:00.002-04:00

but it certainly does have a way of flashing before you, and behind you.

a year goes by.

Lifing out loud

2008-09-08T15:52:00.004-04:00

It just occurred to me that all I ate last year was left over brown sugar and oatmeal.

Work is totally bananas these days.

I miss New York. I miss love.

I'd like to go to some sort of physical boot camp - fitness has been really appealing lately.

stuck

2008-09-07T23:50:00.004-04:00

It feels wrong. I think it's time to take a different approach.

Maybe read some more Ra Bonewitz.

Maybe more out, less in.

Maybe more sun salutation.

Maybe get a dog, or any pet for that matter.

Maybe less running, more walking.

Maybe more fortuitous ass.

Maybe get into crystal healing.

Maybe less city and more country.

I don't know. Something needs to change?

shopping

2008-09-02T09:29:00.005-04:00

my friend alison lewis (formerly of mooka kinney)
just debuted her new line of dresses, lewis,
with a lovely new lookbook, to boot!:

click image for more looks

In the last week, I....

2008-09-01T00:15:00.007-04:00

-moved to the hood

-played girl talk (the game)

-enjoyed free DNC coverage on msnbc.com

-ate nothing

-drank everything

-lived sans TV/cable

-painted my living room weezer blue

-saw adam newman

-listened to the Clueless soundtrack

-increased my crisis management skills

-got super nostalgic about nyc

-dreamed i got eaten alive by a doberman

-caught a cold

180°

2008-08-26T12:08:00.003-04:00

Finally busy again. Idle hands....as they say.

Will post pics of the new house soon. So rad, I can't even believe it.
Roomates are golden. Thug life is nice.

Posting lots of stuff here because it has nothing to do with my MOODS.

k bi

failure pile in a sadness bowl

2008-08-22T13:30:00.001-04:00

Always cheers me up.

torch songs

2008-08-21T00:17:00.017-04:00

Last week's This American Life episode was everything I've ever wanted out of TAL. I was supposed to pack up my belongings (moving sucks), but I just lay in bed totally captivated by stories of break-ups.

In true TAL fashion, the tales were all of the extreme, of the obscure, but relatable accounts of breaking up.

The episode opens with Sarah's explanation of how excruciating, yet addictive it can be to wallow in break-up melancholy. Her boyfriend broke up with her. They shared an (at first ironic, but then legit) love of Phil Colins. Sarah examines the beauty of the break-up song (and how wonderful they are for shameless brooding), writes her own, and even consults Phil Colins himself!

I was kind of surprised and comforted to hear another person's detailed admission of almost enjoying the pain and anguish that comes with a break up only because it gives you an excuse to completely strip down all dignity and "find meaning in songs you hear at the grocery store." I love listening to sad songs when I'm sad. That's not to say that I love being sad. Well maybe I do. I just love the way sappy songs allow you shamelessly bask in the pathetic cloud of self pity.

Okay, Sarah says it way better:

There's something so satisfying about listening to sad songs. They're like how you would actually be spending your day, if you were allowed to just break down and sob and grab ahold of everyone you've ever met.
They make you feel less alone with their crazy thoughts. They don't judge you. In fact, they understand you. A break up song won't ever suggest you start online dating, or that you're better off without them. They tell you that you're worse without them, whichis exactly what you want to hear because that's how you feel.
I didn't want to be cheered up. I didn't want to bounce back. I didn't want to meet someone new. I wanted to wallow. Big time. Deeply. And with the least amount of perspective possible. And the only way to do that was by turning off my phone, and turning up the sad sad music.

And then she plays us "I don't want to get over you" by The Magnetic Fields (one of my favorites, too).

It's been like, I don't even know...three(ish?) years since my last break-up/relationship. But I still remember the pain when I hear songs I used to listen to during that time.

With that, here's my list of all time favorite break-up / sappy songs. No order.

Don't know why - Kostars (listen)
You don't miss your water - The Byrds (listen)
Right about now - Ron Sexsmith (listen)
Good things - Sleater Kinney (listen)
Can't seem to make you mine - The Seeds (listen)
Remember (walking in the sand) - Shangri Las (listen)
Perfect day - Lou Reed (listen)
Comfort me - Carla Thomas (listen)
Heart like a Wheel - Kate & Anna McGarrigle (listen)
Within your reach - Replacements (listen)
Crying all by myself - William Bell (listen)
Up the junction - Squeeze (listen)
Don't thing twice, it's alright - Bob Dylan (listen)
Tonight - Sybille Baier (listen)
Lord kill the pain - Red House Painters (listen)
Metal heart - Cat Power (listen)
Sometimes I still feel the bruise - Trembling Blue Stars (listen)
I fall to pieces - Patsy Cline (listen)
Hey that's no way to say goodbye - Leonard Cohen (listen)
Think for yourself - The Beatles (listen)
Some good advice - Bill Fay (listen)
I'm not saying - Nico (listen)
You can't have me - Big Star (listen)
Whenever you're ready - Zombies (listen)
I don't really love you anymore - Magnetic Fields (listen)
Wild world - Cat Stevens (listen)
These things take time - The Smiths (listen)
Set me free - The Kinks (listen)
You're no good - ESG (listen)
Play with fire - Rolling Stones (listen)
You gotta move - Heatmiser (listen)
Prayer to god - Shellac (listen)
Drift - Ginger Envelope (listen)
I wanna be adored - Stone Roses (listen)
Nothing but a heartache - The Flirtations (listen)
Divorce song - Liz Phair (listen)
This mess we're in - Thom Yorke & PJ Harvey (listen)
Oh well, okay - Elliott Smith (listen)
You go to my head - Billie Holiday (listen)
Quicksand - Dinosaur Jr. (listen)
Something about what happens when we talk - Lucinda Williams (listen)
You broke my heart - Lavender Diamond (listen)
Sunday girl - Blondie (listen)
Tiger trap - Beat Happening (listen)
Lost cause - Beck (listen)
The bright new year - Bert Jansch (listen)
Thirteen - Big Star (listen)
Landlocked blues - Bright Eyes & Emmylou Harris (listen)
Hope - Descendents (listen)
Reservations - Wilco (listen)
About today - The National (listen)
Life's a gas - T. Rex (listen)
Sad and beautiful world - Sparklehorse (listen)
Mourning rain - Sleepy Jackson (listen)
Don't look back in anger - Oasis (listen)

I probably left some out but I could go on for days...

If you have any suggestions let me know - I'm always up for a brooding sesh.

( LISTEN TO THE THIS AMERICAN LIFE EPISODE ! ! ! ! )

thumbs down

2008-08-20T14:22:00.013-04:00

Okay, so forgive me for sounding like a crotchety old lady, but
IS THERE NO MORAL INTEGRITY IN JOURNALISM ANYMORE????

The Creative Loafing's cover story on the youth heroin "epidemic" in Atlanta (ironically following the "College Guide" issue) is exactly the kind of daft nonsense that after-school programs are made of. Poorly executed. Out of touch. And serving as a not-so-covert handbook on how to get high.

Not to mention the cover is illustrated like a fucking comic book (target audience?):

On top of all that, they go ahead and provide prospective users with exactly which neighborhood* ― with directions! ― in Atlanta sells the best smack.

Maybe I'm a hard-ass. Maybe I'm just getting older. Maybe this shit comes a little too close to home and I know exactly how I would read this article 5 years ago. It's just that I find it painfully careless to disregard the kids that might read stuff like this and go right to the Bluff to score some dope. There are so many ways to be informative sans enabling. Haven't you been around for the last 20 years?

Thumbs down, CL. You're better than this.

*My ex-user/ex-dealer friend used to sell directions to the Bluff for $50, so thanks for the freebie, I guess.

Day 3

2008-08-13T10:49:00.026-04:00

What friends are for:

alec: turn it off kiana

alec: too early for that shit

kiana: what?

alec: wont do what the doctors order wont see someone else

alec: it says what ur listening to. im grounding u from elliott smith

kiana: oh
alec: SO WHEN IS OBAMA GONNA MAKE LIKE
A FUCKING ALBUM ALLREADY WITH TIMBALAND

alec: CALLED HOPE MOTHER FUCKER HOPE

alec: AND HIS FIRST SINGLE WILL BE CALLED THE BUMMER'S BACK

alec: AND THEN A HIT CALLED ETHNICITY AINT NOTHIN BUT A RING TONE
kiana: oh fuck. YES!
alec: OR HE COULD USE THE REMAINING MEMBERS OF SUBLIME
TO MAKE A COOL ASS REAGAE BAND BACKING HIM
BUT THE CATCH IS THAT ALLEN IVERSON IS THE HYPE MAN
AND MAJIC JOHNSTON DOES ALL THE DECORATING

Day 2

2008-08-12T08:45:00.007-04:00

You would think I'd be a pro at quitting stuff.

But it STILL SUCKS!

Why did all the greats disband before I got a chance to see them?

2008-08-10T10:38:00.010-04:00

The Kinks - Set me free

Descendents - When I get old

Shangri Las - Out in the streets

Replacements - I'll be you

Velvet Underground - Venus in furs
(although I did get to see John Cale and Lou Reed play on separate occasions)

T. Rex - Metal guru

things fall apart

2008-08-08T19:44:00.000-04:00

My last hours in Brooklyn were spent on Jenn's fire escape, smoking cigarettes and waxing sentimental. It was dark. Darker than any night should be in New York City. In that seemingly isolated blackness, we heard the faint musings of a woman and a man and a guitar coming from the courtyard downstairs. Our attempt to take in every word and note was marked with intense captivation.
I wish I could have captured that moment and put it in a jar. I'd open it every time I forget that pain always has an end.

(Sorry you guys, I'm a bummer today.)

my heart's crammed in my cranium

2008-08-08T11:27:00.005-04:00

Frank Black - Headache

It's only when things finally settle down with some semblance of normalcy that the sinister wheels of my mind begin turning.

TUMULT, why did you leave me?

just about to lose my mind

2008-08-08T08:01:00.001-04:00

The Slits - Heard It Through The Grapevine

days go by

2008-08-07T14:39:00.012-04:00

About a year ago, my life was saved thanks to the following places/sounds/words/etc:

The ocean wing at the Museum of Natural History

Dear Diary

Vitamin Water (defense flavor)

and The National

current events

2008-08-06T12:42:00.005-04:00

This is for Jenn:

Too bad she ditched the internet.

Love Fest 2008

2008-08-05T22:22:00.010-04:00

Who knew life was so easy to turn around?
Everything has been peaches and cream lately.

My Brooklyn reunion trip:
I felt like a little kid going to Disney World for the first time.
Totally overwhelming but in the best way ever. I almost puked on the plane ride up.

Who goes to NYC to get a sunburn? Me.

Z kept making me do the Olsen prune but my face won't let me.

Hanging out in Brynn's Clinton Hill apt was like entering a magical new universe. I LOVE HER.
(check out my cameo on the mirror. amateur!)

We caught up over lavender lemonade at our fave East Village cafe.

My voice is still raspy from screaming over Liz & Damian's engagement.

Jenn is my eternal soulmate. You can't have her.

McCarren Pool happened again:

Those dudes that played our kitchen in college got famous.

Not many people know that fame will turn you into a tie-dye ghost (Andrew):

I took the B-43 all the way back to sanity. It was a long ride.

Conclusion:
If you're feeling lonely, you should leave where you are. RIGHT NOW.
Go far far away for about one year. Returning will be a total love fest!
It's like make up sex for the soul.

Too bad my heart still feels like this

axis of awesome

2008-08-04T17:26:00.005-04:00

Check out street art/graffiti from my homeland:

iran graffiti blog

my new favorite blog

2008-08-01T14:41:00.001-04:00

hipsterrunoff.com

the prettiest songs ever*, according to me:

2008-07-31T09:57:00.011-04:00

drift - Ginger Envelope
i wanna be adored - Stone Roses

thirteen - Big Star
sunny afternoon - Kinks
comfort me - Carla Thomas
just like honey - Jesus & Mary Chain
en gallop - Joanna Newsom
play with fire - Rolling Stones
you send me - Sam Cooke
tonight - Sybille Baier
fade into you - Mazzy Star
plans - Grizzly Bear
heart like a wheel - Kate and Anna McGarrigle
norwegian wood - The Beatles
pale blue eyes - Velvet Underground
dreams - Fleetwood Mac
falling from grace - The Gentle Waves
colours - Donovan
have you forgotten - Red House Painters
not the way - Cass McCombs
alone in kyoto - Air
if not for you - Bob Dylan
crutch - Pinback
green fields - The Good, the Bad, and the Queen
tiger trap - Beat Happening
i believe in fate - Papas Fritas

It goes without saying: anything by Elliott Smith

*in no particular order

ce moment-là du mois

2008-07-30T22:14:00.003-04:00

Due to a combination of several pathetic and ultimately trivial reasons (none worth mentioning), I actually cried at work yesterday. It should be noted: a common misconception is that girls cry out of sadness. While I have cried in sadness, I mostly (in my adult life) cry when somebody pisses me off hardcore.

Boys punch stuff, girls cry.

While sobbing into my hands, hidden in an empty office, I realized I couldn't remember the last time I cried. I mean a real cry. Maybe one year? Maybe two? I totally forgot crying feels REALLY GOOD. After my mini-breakdown I felt so fine - clear and revitalized.

In highschool I had a friend who made herself cry in the shower every day. I scoffed at the time, but now I may understand her motivation.

Also I realized I'm totally a game player.
Not like "playing the game."
More like: hanging out with me is a constant mind fuck.

Oh, is that my period? Oops.

psychic pain

2008-07-23T15:11:00.002-04:00

Wish this dude was still alive

OH MY GOD IT'S ELECTROCLASH!

2008-07-21T22:06:00.002-04:00

Creme Blush - "Spree" [circa 2001]*

*Gratuitous usage of brackets instead of parentheses

made you, like, the raddest kid on Livejournal. LJ4evr!!!!

life rules.

2008-07-21T10:36:00.004-04:00

How I (now) deal with sadness/rejection/heartbreak/loneliness:

Paint my toenails.

Watch mind-numbing QVC.

Listen to Liz Phair/Sleater-Kinney.

Read Judy Blume.

Find my friends....

I always IM Christopher when I'm feeling down about dudes. He's seriously the best when it comes to that shit. He lets me say anything and then suggests we watch Wall-E together on some pirate website. Mind you, he lives in Brooklyn. Me, Atlanta. Telepresence!?

We totally watched Wall-E "together." (Possibly the gayest/cutest thing I've ever done).

Love saved planet Earth & fat people!

Later, we discussed the top 5 ways to die:

1. Burning alive in a public area while having sex with Natalie Portman (that one's all C.)

2. Gunshot to the brain.

3. Sex-induced death.

4a. Death by sheer volume at a Motorhead show

4b. Death by epilepsy from Daft Punk's light show

5. Heroin overdose

Pretty much the best bad day ever!

kind of obsessed with

2008-07-20T10:35:00.002-04:00

this song right now.

chill out, y'all

2008-07-18T11:28:00.003-04:00

...with some Ethiopique:

not surprising

2008-07-17T17:46:00.006-04:00

Rotting dead body found at McCarren Pool.

kiana: i'm not doing the swimming thing on saturday, fyi

kiana: i nixed any plans. I DO WHAT I WANT.

kiana: fuck bathing suits

zarinah: yeah no fing way

zarinah: over my dead body

zarinah: HAHA

zarinah: GET IT

zarinah: NO POOLS!

kiana: HAHAHAHAHA

zarinah: DEAD BODIES!

smoke gets in your eyes

2008-07-17T12:27:00.009-04:00

I always thought working in advertising would be so glamorous — fancy clients, expense accounts, first class business travel, powerful/sexy men to bat my eyelashes at.

Boy. Was. I. Wrong.

My first stint in advertising was at a music magazine in NYC. The only "fabulous" part of this experience were the "perks" (free shows, free booze, free drugs, etc). But you got those perks even if you were an intern. And though I was a paid employee, I still had to make coffee runs.

Now I am employed on the other side of that world - at a pretty large, progressive ad agency. Nothing extremely glamorous. (Read: desk job). Although we pretty much get to wear whatever we want - god knows how atrocious business-casual can be.

It's for these and other obvious reasons that I'm so so so excited for the second season of AMC's Mad Men. The show perfectly depicts my fantasies of the New York City ad scene in the 1950s...

Dashing ad executives smoking cigarettes and sipping on bourbon in their wood paneled offices overlooking Manhattan while they make passes at their well-endowed not-so-innocent secretaries.

Season 2 premiers July 27 on AMC.

in the hot hot rays

2008-07-14T13:33:00.015-04:00

What's up, dudes. I took the day off because I can. And although sun-bathing is relaxing, it's hot as Hades outside. I can't really see the screen...actually my macbook might combust from this heat.

POOOOOOLSIDE BLOGGIN edition 1:

The good thing about having parents that live in suburban Atlanta is that once in a blue moon, bands will play at Whirlyball in Roswell, GA (10 min from homebase) - which means I get a home cooked meal before a home cooked show. Saturday night it was Dark Meat and DIPLO. Who knew the 'burbs could be so much fun?

Dark Meat was psychadelic, smelly, and (as always) infectious:

Whirlyball was played.

And Diplo rocked the faces off southern suburban frat boys (and me!):

We had our hearts set on ending the night at the Clermont Lounge, but it was apparent that we were too late (3am?!). Bummer.

Speaking of infamous Atlanta strip clubs, the Black Lips make it rain in their new video for "It Feels Alright." It was shot at Magic City (eons classier than Clermont):

---------------

And now for something a tad more wholesome, and worth listening to!:

Bob Edwards' unexpectedly splendid interview with Liz Phair, per the re-release of her 1993 album, Exile in Guyville.

& & & & & & & &

Terri Gross' interview with everyone's crush, Zooey Deschanel - on singing in the shower, singing in movies, and singing with M. Ward.

---

Happy Monday, fartknockers!

battles

2008-07-08T15:33:00.005-04:00

It's good to feel alive again.

do it better

2008-07-02T12:07:00.009-04:00

Once again, Lesley Arfin is my hero.

In other news, I hate kickball. I hate people who play kickball. I it when people invite me to join their kickball games on Sundays. I hate going to kickball tournaments at McCarren Park. I hate stupid kickball teams. STOP ASKING ME TO PLAY KICKBALL!

Bring on the Four-Square, turds.

the serpent and the lion

2008-07-01T09:08:00.005-04:00

my new tat. here's the peripheral story.

sneaky republican google sponsored ad

2008-06-28T17:07:00.005-04:00

I just wrote an email reminder to myself to vote in the
Georgia Primaries (for democrat Jim Martin...thanks Christa!)

And this is what Google had to say about it:

life.2

2008-06-28T13:30:00.005-04:00

Going through life the way I always did, it's pretty easy to revert to shitty old habits. I'm not really referring to smoking cigarettes or drunk texting. More like when a dude acts like a fucking tool it's real easy to get down on myself and then listen to the same sad song over and over again and maybe sleep all day or buy some brown and write a pathetic blog entry (this time is different!)

That's why it's tough to navigate responses now. It almost feels like I have amnesia - I don't quite know what to do when a dude acts like a dick (among other things), now. So I just dont do anything. I go home, go to bed, wake up, call Christa, we get some brunch. That's that.

What the hell took me so long?

Best Boss Ever

2008-06-23T11:19:00.009-04:00

Last week at work nearly killed me. So I was pretty fucking delighted to see this email from my boss this morning:

I was thinking that once we get back on track with CP stuff, we should take a day, leave the office at 2pm and have an offsite meeting at "Spa Sydell" followed by some cocktails.

See you at the spa, betches.

meet your new hero

2008-06-19T09:21:00.002-04:00

dewey decimal

2008-06-17T13:50:00.012-04:00

Today I long for the days of typewriters and hard filing systems; telephones and good penmanship.
What was so wrong with card catalog? That shit never failed you. Yeah, maybe it took forever to find the card but it never just deleted itself or had a hard drive meltdown or made you feel like jumping out of the 18th floor window. You never had to call that slacker IT dude.

If not for the new Grizzly Bear I'd probably be smashing my computer into bits all over this office.

But, alas, there is always a remedy (technology's saving grace)...

An oldie, but a goodie!

Also, I've been EXTREMELY obsessed with Google Maps Street View. I used to stalk my old spots in NYC but now they have one for Atlanta. Time wasting just got a little bit creepier. Thanks Goog.

meet the depressed

2008-06-13T17:36:00.003-04:00

Anyone who can get a 20-something slacker to wake up
at 10am every Sunday is clearly a special person.

I'll miss you, Tim Russert.

No point in watching TV anymore, ever again.

let's talk about feelings

2008-06-09T15:12:00.007-04:00

oh man. when exactly did i forget how to be a girl?

(i may have written that exact sentence in my middle school diary,
probably followed by a line that wishes for mind-reading capabilities.)

kiana: once and future middle schooler.

viva life

2008-06-04T16:32:00.013-04:00

It's always super good or super bad or both at the same time, but never boring.
Like how a year ago today I was junk sick. In Barcelona. With my family. Hating life.

Here's to now!

(I'm stealing this line:) I'm addicted to addiction. Present case: Elliott Smith's New Moon.
After 8 months of listening to that album non-stop I'm finally (slowly) pacifying the urge to put it on. Sadly, my typical safe fall-backs have totally failed me, so I've resorted my to middle/high school-era favorites...which kind of made me realize that I'm really no different than my 15-year-old self: singing along to the Descendents/Sleater-Kinney in my car. Crushing on everyone. Always distracted.

A culmination of many things, including old times sake and a headache...

I call this SAY IT DON'T SPAY IT:

elliott smith - all cleaned out
beat happening - noise
frightened rabbit - i feel better
descendents - bikeage
santogold - l.e.s. artistes
mgmt - indie rokkers
the dodos - jodi
deerhunter - after class
grizzly bear - while you wait for the others
miles benjamin anthony robinson - the debtor
velvet underground - sunday morning
elliott smith - independence day
dinosaur jr - quicksand
beat happening - tiger trap

PS - Did you notice how hot Michelle Obama looked last night? I vote for her.

somery

2008-06-03T08:38:00.004-04:00

Lately, every day has felt like the first day of kindergarden.

same same

2008-05-29T23:49:00.004-04:00

Traveling with a summer cold is the pits.
But leave it to airplane air to freeze dry my snot and give me a raging nosebleed.
I'm cured!

Totally stoked on my impulsive purchase today.
But totally bummed that I'm still impulsive.

It's OK because I get 2 c my frendz.
and make a fool at mccarren pool.
AND eat all the filet o fishes Z owes me.

Returning is like the most fun thing ever.

PS i think i started a new lolspeak phenom - FMA (if you dont know, you will. just wait.)

toy tower down

2008-05-26T18:46:00.005-04:00

Sorry 'burgers (PUN INTENDED), but barbeques in the South are far superior to those on Brooklyn rooftops - though I certainly have a soft spot in my heart for rooftop weekends.

Speaking of my former life, an "eccentric" part of my old hood - Alphabet City - just got torn down. The cause of much drunken late night creepiness, but enormous neighborhood character, the construction has been an ongoing project in the the community garden on 6th Street and Avenue B for 20 years.

R.I.P weird toy tower. Hope you don't turn into a Starbucks.

dreams do come true

2008-05-20T11:35:00.015-04:00

i miss talkin smack with christopher on ichat.
it's certain that i would not have survived the sales pit without him.

and then today!:

kiana: ps can you tell lesley arfin that she's my hero.

christopher: okay

christopher: she's right beside me

kiana: ok

christopher: she's making a birthday card for her mom right now

kiana: she was my hero runner up for a while but i decided to bump her up

christopher: who was #1 before?

kiana: beavis

christopher: of course

christopher: you know she's jewish right?

kiana: duh

christopher: and you're arab, right?

kiana: I"M NOT AN ARAB

christopher: you're supposed to hate her

christopher: its law

kiana: i hate you, whitey

christopher: I"M NOT WHITE

back-ack-ack-ackwards

2008-05-18T23:29:00.004-04:00

Reason #549 why you should never move to the suburbs.

If this pisses you off, I recommend calling the douchebags at the Roswell Beacon and suggesting they eat a dick. 770 640 3230.

it follows me

2008-05-17T21:36:00.004-04:00

i hate nostalgia. and by hate i mean love.
and by nostalgia i mean discovering portrayals of a time so obsolete,
it's not even worth pretending to remember it.

great expectations

2008-05-13T23:40:00.012-04:00

Whats up with people reading my mind lately?
Namely New York Magazine's editorial on my equivalent of a favorite sports team.
READ IT!!!

.

It appears that I've died and gone to career heaven. More on this later.

Boston's pretty much like the colony of Massachusetts Bay circa 1690 - only now with Dunkin Donuts and ad agencies.
Charles Dickens held his first reading at the hotel I'm staying in.
Makes sense, then, that this considerably ornate hotel only has DIAL UP internet. So you can imagine my attempt to watch the Hills season finale resulted in crushing defeat, followed by withdrawal symptoms. WUNDORLIC! (that's old english!)

PS What the hell is a duck tour and why hasn't anyone taken me on one?

laughter and forgetting

2008-05-10T23:12:00.009-04:00

The prospect of being reintroduced to civilization is creeping in and now I've got cold feet. But that's natural, right? I'll be fine. Right?

It's difficult for me not to get carried away by the intensity of the recent past. One of my favorite writers noted that it's much harder to try to die than trying to live. "Memories" is not the right word - more like jarring flashbacks. They're too overwhelming to ignore and I find myself reuniting with that vapid dying soul. Passing her by on the street, barely recognizing her - but knowing it's enough to taste it in the back of my throat.

Time for reflection is a killer.

H&Mania

2008-05-08T20:45:00.008-04:00

The much anticipated opening of one of two H&M stores in Atlanta
was today. And by "Atlanta" I mean the 'burbs - read: North Point Mall.
There was a red carpet and on that carpet stood a long line of eager
shoppers nearly pulling their hair out for the chance to get their
share of low-priced high-fashion. Most of the line consisted of high school girls who skipped class for the "event". And then there was me.

Red Carpet Report - Overheard Conversations:

"That tiger print strapless dress would look so good on me"
"No, your shoulders are too broad. It's so me"
"Nuh uh!"
"Shut up Kristen"

-----------------

"OH MY GOD THAT VEST IS SO CUTE!!
I MUST HAVE IT.
LIKE OH MY GOD!!
SECURITY GUARD, PLEASE LET ME IN.
I NEED THAT VEST"
(she had to be escorted out of the line!)

don't bite me!

2008-04-20T22:13:00.003-04:00

Could there be anything more innocent than my new favorite snack: Trader Joes Dark Chocolate Covered Pretzel Bites??

YES!!!

Oops! Well it can't be all that bad - this melty chocolate mistake would make a great snack for bachelorette parties, gay cruises, etc etc.

Crispy, crunchy, salty...Coated with rich dark chocolate and natural sprinkles.

Thanks for the cock, Trader Joe!

the moon

2008-04-14T13:03:00.004-04:00

Reading my middle school diary feels highly masochistic:

August 10, 1996
"...if I owned a bar or a hang-out place I'd call it The Moon. Get it?"

last days

2008-04-11T15:42:00.014-04:00

Boredom is officially my #1 vice. I absolutely love doing nothing. The last six months seem like they've been ripped straight out of the pages of Kiana's Guide to Heaven. Not to say I dub myself a slacker, I guess I just like the option of boredom. Land of the free! Every day I went to work (towards the end) I daydreamed of paying a cabbie $5 to take me home so I could spend the rest of the day/evening melting away in the bliss of life sans rules. This may or may not correllate with my fondness of narcotics.

--

Just watched About a Son for the second time. I'm so happy Michael Azzerad agreed to put his interviews in such a thoughtful film (a nice fuck you to Gus van Sant). Kurt Cobain was not the quintessential misanthrope, rather charming and enigmatic. I like him a lot. It should be said that idolizing someone is easy when you only see them from a distance, through a filter. All you have are bits and pieces. I'd be such a fucking cliche to admit my admiration for the man, but I'm certainly not above that. I, to my own surprise, connected most to his accounts of childhood. Even his often childish judgements and views of modern civilization reminded me of my early disappointments with the human race. Also he was a junkie's junkie, which I can respect.

--

Keeping up with new music is a full time job - I should know. Now that it's not my full time job, I find myself overwhelmed by the daunting task of downloading and reading up and constant 24/7 updates on who is cool. Doing it at my own pace is much nicer. I also rediscovered some dusty old favorites.

That said, here's a short-list:
The Raveonettes...so glad Vice signed them. I've always loved them but Columbia consistently seemed to mis-market them. They make music that I hear in my head and would play if I were a musician. Added bonus: Sharin Foo is a total babe!
Atlas Sound...I kind of resisted but now I'm hooked. This is what my dreams sound like.
Beat Happening...why can't the 90s last forever? Having favorite songs is so middle school, but Tiger Trap might hold that place.
Cat Power...specifically Moon Pix. I dont care about anything she's done past that.

and "See Emily Play" by Pink Floyd.
Syd Barrett might be my hero. Thanks Dad!

it's been happening again

2008-04-07T19:06:00.003-04:00

Dreams I thought were memories.

bored in the usa

2008-04-03T00:19:00.005-04:00

i want to go back to iran

or barcelona

or hong kong

gently take my skull for a ride

2008-03-16T13:51:00.008-04:00

Last night I dreamt my death. The details at this point are inconsequential, but it's most certain that I was stabbed. The annoying part was that the stabber kept teasing me with the knife, lightly poking me in the arms, toes, neck. Eventually I convinced him to get it over with already - and just like that, I slumped over and drifted off after a jolt in the gut. There was no pain, only calm, almost euphoric - kind of like

Nevermind. Then I got up and made this

most days

2008-03-11T13:36:00.002-04:00

go figure.

who, me?

2008-03-05T15:11:00.008-05:00

My quest for a "job" has been pretty ho-hum. Well I mean it's been going rather well but I wholly detest the entire process. Wearing dryclean-only clothes. Smiling. Nodding. Whoring/"putting best face forward."
The one true "moment of zen" came after my NYC mentor let me read his description of my professional character in a reference note (clearly blowing smoke up my ass, I don't know why).

My favorite excerpt:
On a personal note, Kiana is out-going and fun, kind and compassionate, she is innately familiar with Zietgiest as a pop-culture enthusiast.

I'd like that on my tombstone.

i'm a slacker, but don't take my word for it!

2008-03-04T15:48:00.006-05:00

CAPRICORN:
You may be required to work hard for the next several weeks, but you are willing because the stakes are high. Unfortunately, you don't necessarily feel like pushing yourself today, even if there is a lot to do. You prefer to reserve your energy for later on when you might need it. Go ahead and glide through the day if you can, but don't put off your tasks for too long.

By all means, cosmos, don't let me stop you from encouraging the recent/current streak of first-class mental & physical nothingness in my life. More! More! More!

Gliding thru...

stupid and selfish

2008-02-26T13:38:00.002-05:00

am i alone in wanting to give ralph nader a (friendly?) kick in the balls?

self-help

2008-02-20T14:27:00.007-05:00

permanent midnight
jesus' son
basketball diaries
high art
trainspotting
gia
christiane f
candy
gridlock'd
igby goes down
sid and nancy
requiem for a dream
--
dear diary - lesley arfin
how to stop time - ann marlow
go now - richard hell
white rabbit - martha morrison
junky - w.s. burroughs
naked lunch - w.s. burroughs
please kill me - leggs mcneil

DONE AND DONE.

now it's time to find a job!

halfway house friend

2008-02-19T12:25:00.005-05:00

alec: did i tel you about bad african

me: no

alec: ive been playing african high life music with a drummer, its like paul simons version of african guitar music exept we dont know what were oding and we sing in what sounds like african and its called bad african

alec: i swear to go someone was roasting a rock last night i walked down stairs and smelled pure crack smoke

me: i dont knwo what crack smells like

alec: smells good actualy

alec: like caramell kinda

me: ooh

alec: yea yeah

me: i love caramel!!!!!!!!!

maybe i'll be a crackhead

and blame it on my sweet tooth

alec: do it

alec: crack has such a bad stigma its just coke withought all the bull shit

me: crack is whack dude

that's the way it crumbles...cookie-wise

2008-02-15T11:57:00.006-05:00

When I was much littler and severely carefree, there were only two things that scared me: fireworks and Shirley MacLaine. The former most likely caused by being born during air raid sirens and bomb shelters, and the latter because my mother seemed to be addicted to repeated viewings of that southern sobb story Steel Magnolias.

I don't know why but the mere sight of Shirley MacLaine's character would send me through intensely mad fits of tears and shrilling screams. To the point where I'd have nightmares of her successful kidnapping of me from my bed and subsequent feeding of my extremities to her dog.

Clearly, I've never cared for Shirley MacLaine nor her work in film ever since.

[Enter gameshow music indicating BIG TIME LOSER ALERT]

A few days ago I lazily rented The Apartment. First of all I adore any movie that's set and filmed in Manhattan, by default. And I really really really really TRULY hate to come off as an agist twenty-something, but I had no idea the lead female character, Fran, was played by Shirley MacLaine till the end, when the credits rolled. SHIT BALLS!!! I most certainly would never have picked this movie to watch had I known creepy kidnapper lady is in it. But she is in it and the movie is another superb Billy Wilder gem that I thoroughly enjoyed.

It's funny how you grow up with the same opinions you held as a kid - opinions based on a few stupid nightmares and frivolous judgements. My apologies, Shirley.

It's good to know I'm not the only one who would rather trust my child-mind than reality. One of my favorite episodes of This American Life dealves into a few more adorable accounts of kid logic being proven wrong well into adulthood. LISTEN!

turn my light on.

2008-02-14T15:02:00.012-05:00

Every now and again I try to flip through the files of memory in my mind only to be abruptly reminded that so many chunks of consciousness were traded for the cozy blanket of time wasted. If you were to ask me what I did last Valentine's day I'd just shrug. Blank.

I'm back though, now.

i don't go where i'm supposed to go

2008-02-13T15:58:00.005-05:00

My throat is raw and stings. It would probably be better to just continually smoke rather than go on weekend binges. (weekend warriors - HAH). Sick sucks. Whats up with that anyway? I polluted my body for a fucking year and not one peep from my immune system. Is this what they mean by "recovery?"

Misery as an occupation was fun but never lasts, like most things.

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!!

Also - I can't find this movie on netflix and it's really pissing me off, which will most likely cause the smoking of cigarettes that will certainly exacerbate my throat situation. BAH HUMBUG!

love is/was junk

2008-02-12T23:41:00.009-05:00

It has become more and more evident (by recent "life experiences" and personal closeted-beliefs in "superstitions") that the most imperative priority at this juncture in my life is to follow my heart.

I will be, and was, the first to come up with a list of rational justifications for why this is not only ridiculous new age bullshit, but also an outdated life path. I mean it's 2008. People dont write love letters anymore. Divorce is a sport. Love is a text message. Love is eHarmony profits. Love is dead.

It should also be noted that I'm really tired of our generation's complete lack of sincerity. Somehow (thank you internet) cynicism and quick-witted antagonism replaced anything remotely genuine. I'm fucking tired of this shit. Yes, I admit, I read Gawker. I saw Juno (twice). I guess you could say that the novelty is wearing off. Why must we mask our true intentions with calculated irony and adorably cryptic, expressionless broadcasts? Irony is (now) a complete cliche. Cliches are ironic. bla bla bla. I digress.

I suppose the moment of clarity came this weekend when I foolishly fell back into routine - numbingly going backwards in time: making the same lofty mistakes with the same person in the same town. I think my heart has a learning disability; I fall for bad people the same way I fell for junk (ie BIG MISTAKES). The future looks mighty bleak, I imagine, if that pattern continues.

Don't get me wrong, the first moment of true clarity came after slowly understanding that scraping straws alone and sleeping through weekends (then months) was no longer a viable option. It's gotta start somewhere.

in the sun and in the rain
and in the day and in the night

pain is a flower
pain is flowers

blooming all the time.

-Charles Bukowski

the alternative

2007-12-20T20:57:00.001-05:00

It's true, the 90's were fucking awesome. We know this thanks to VH1's masterful tripart homage to the decade. And flannel plaid has really made a comeback (don't thank me)!

But what's even more awesome than the decade that spawned Beavis & Butthead and Jordan Catalano is having friends who write books on loveable 90's topics, such as GRUNGE. The story of grunge, that is. Yes, my old pal/co-worker and fellow 90's-lover Kyle Anderson penned his first non-fiction book Accidental Revolution: The Story of Grunge. I haven't read it yet (waiting for my autographed copy as we speak) but I'm hoping it's like the Behind The Music on Grunge, or something.

Speaking of the 90's, riddle me this:
What forgotten 90's teen thriller flick showcases America's future highest paid actress taming wild horses with a former King tighty-whitey? (so easy)

tales from suburbia, continued

2007-12-12T17:48:00.002-05:00

home-hunting alternative:

this is the scene i came home to after my early morning work-out. this is the view from our back porch. a fucking Remax hot air balloon floating above our neighborhood. i guess when you're too good for the internet, you just go for the hot air balloon. i always just thought the hot air baloon was merely Remax's logo. Good to know they live up to their branding.

because it was in our neighborhood, i was extremely tempted to ask for a ride, but before i knew it, game over:

just another day in suburbia.

The Gym, part II

2007-12-07T13:07:00.000-05:00

Note to self:
Avoid watching 30 Rock while jogging on the treadmill for prevention of subsequent embarrassment caused by choking on your own laughter, or even worse, falling off.

It could be worse. This isn't New York Sports Club.
It's the suburban YMCA; never crowded, the patrons typically consist of middle aged parents and high school jocks. Hmm...lets see. Should I have an affair with one of the married men or go for a hot high schooler?

My ass hurts.

The Gym

2007-12-04T17:36:00.002-05:00

I pretty much always stayed away from working out (ie the gym) because people generally look fucking stupid on machines called ellipticals and fumbling through hip-hop dance classes.

But now I go. Sometimes twice a day! Boredom 0, Kiana 1.

Lately I've been attracted to doing things solely on the basis that they make me look stupid.

It's really a win win.

i'm the fairest of them all

2007-12-02T12:09:00.000-05:00

I listed blogging as a skill on my resume, right after PowerPoint.

I shall now demonstrate my bullet-point skills....

Things I want to blog about (no particular order):

Music

Vincent Moon / La Blogotheque
The treasure trove of CDs I found from my teen-angst years

Why were the 90s so awesome, or am I just being retro?

The days of amazing soundtracks are dead.
mp3s saved/ruined my life

NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL PUNK ROCK

Favorite songs/albums of/in 2007
High definition concerts, I'm always a VIP
The industry - a view from the inside (what next?)

Addiction

When The Hills happens to good people
Elliott Smith
See also: songs and music in general
My So-Called flannel is totally over
Trainspotting
I quit smoking.

Travels

Iran

Tehran

Forget everything you think you know

Hipsters in Tehran, who knew?! (I bet Vice did)
Nose woes
NYC: Tehran :: suburban America:suburban America

Esfahan

Airplane food

my eyes melted (photographs to come)
herbal remedies

Suburbia

(slow and numbing) death trap

traffic
food
chains

Movies

Watching Superbad with your parents! (the un-censored version...of the story)

Of past

Go
Play It Again, Sam
Bedroom Window
See also: Trainspotting

Of present-ish

Heights

Ratatouille

Fast Food Nation

Avoiding the holiday movie explosion

Juno
Wristcutters

More to come.